Wednesday, December 13, 2006
We ended up with a Christmas tree. I did not want one. I was frankly hoping that if I ignored Christmas it would go away. We have the tree because dh wanted one so badly. Putting it up wasn't too bad. It's pre-lit, so that helps. And we don't have to deal with that horrible tinsel we had at my house when I was a child. My parents would coach us to put it on one strand at a time. Ugh! Let's see how slow we can make time go. The cat loved to eat it, which invariably caused her to puke everywhere, which was not pleasant either.
My mother in law brought ornaments she made in honor of each of my children yesterday. There were five of them. I said "There are only five". She said "Yes". That was the end of the conversation. I was thinking "What about my oldest daughter? How is it possible that you forgot to include her?". I didn't say any of that because my MIL is easily offended and it is often easier to not get into things like that.
I do understand that people no longer know what to do or say around me. I try to help them by bringing up Marissa occasionally. This is the hint to go ahead and talk about her. Not many people get the idea, but some do. Mostly those who have experienced the death of someone close to them.
So in honor of Christmas and my daughter, here is a little bit about her life:
Marissa did not care about the vast majority of presents. What she cared about was the wrapping paper. She waited patiently for whoever was opening their present to finish so she could grab for the paper. We could have kept her happy just wrapping a box full of paper for her. Or that crinkly shiny paper; that was even better.
Marissa had a very few favorite toys. Her favorite of all now sits on the shelf beside her ashes. It is a simple plastic toy which requires you to push the button on the top of it in order to make the colorful balls go around. She LOVED that toy. She could make it go really fast by banging on it repeatedly.
Marissa loved to pull things onto the floor. Her favorite crashing objects were plates with food on them and glasses full of liquid. We learned that she needed to sit a bit farther away from the table than the rest of us. We also learned that she had an extremely long reach!
Marissa did not like too much sun. She wrinkled up her cute little nose. It must have hurt her eyes. She also didn't like the cold, which comes as no surprise considering it must be easy to get cold when you are non-mobile.
Marissa was my angel in life and now in death. There was always something wondrous about those brilliant blue eyes she had. She knew things the rest of us can only guess. My baby. I miss her so much.